To a forsaken father

Where or where did you go?
How can it not be obvious how much we miss you so?
I've been dwelling again, over booze and cigerettes
You should know them well, they always were your friends.
Why after 3 years can I not get you off my mind,
And why after 3 years do you still make my brother cry?
I've never done it. Never let you get the best of me.
But all this that I have inside, why can't I make u see?
You keep sending birthday cards as if everything is alright,
As if you have no fucking clue to our pain, to our plight.
You are the one most important, yet I hate you with so much spite,
Whenever my thoughts dwell on you I want to fight it with all my might.
Two sons you let go, two sons you left for the world,
Abandoned and forlorn, as if you didn't care.
So long this has taken me to say, and nothing I can do,
I wish for just once I can get up and do something, or at least get my mind off of you.
Many nights I've laid in bed, missing your gentle touch,
A kiss good night and a bedtime story, is that so damn much?
I hope you realize what you've lost and feel horrible forever more,
Every ounce of pain you feel, we've felt and have an extra store.
This one thing that I can vow to you is that I won't fuck up like you,
If life gives me love and children, I will forever be true.
Till we meet again or talk, though this happening I highly doubt,
You can fuck off and leave us as we are, time is over, you're gone, forever out.